i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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