Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
