did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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