Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
