A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
