I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
