I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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