how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
