so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
