Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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