she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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