i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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