i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
