dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
