so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
