my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
