This is the prime rib incident all over again
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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