There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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