im about as happy as oj after his trial
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
