Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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