I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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