You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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