i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
