I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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