apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
