youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
