My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
