Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
