So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
