First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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