at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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