i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so let's talk penis.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
