And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
