Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
