I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
