but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
