she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
