There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
