dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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