wake up i wanna do it froggy style
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
