Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
