Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
