theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
should my penis look like a turkey
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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