did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize