"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
