and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
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hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
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we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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