Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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