I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
