She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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