i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Pants are for mortals
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
