you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do herpes really smell.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
