Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
