somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
