You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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