Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
