He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.