Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...