It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.