"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.