I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs