I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.