If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
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i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
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Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.