She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
