I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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