Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
