Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
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In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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