He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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