The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
