Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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