She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
