He asked to "fluff my boner.."
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
