I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
