I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
