How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Couch. On fire.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
