I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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