So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You need Xanax blowdarts
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs