What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
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So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.