He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
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Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.