she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.