people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.