it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
