now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
