we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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