I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I would fuck him just for his dog
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
