i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
