happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
